When we really give someone our attention, their thoughts don't necessarily arrive neatly or in the order we might expect. They come and go, rather like watching the sea wash up onto the shore bringing with it a selection of pebbles, shells and driftwood.

As an attentive listener, it is tempting to paddle ankle deep into the water and start picking up the things that look attractive and interesting to us. We ask a question, make a connection or perhaps draw attention to something we think is important.

However, the next wave rolling in may take those ideas away.

Sometimes the thought returns. Sometimes something entirely different takes its place.

My work with the Thinking Environment has taught me to resist the temptation to decide what matters in someone else's thinking. If I can wait, stay attentive and allow the waves and the pauses to do their work, eventually the tide pulls back and goes out.

What remains belongs to the thinker, not to me.

Stay out of the water and let the waves and pauses reveal what matters.